I can text with my tongue
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
