when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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