he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
