Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
