Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
