# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
