I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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