I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize