I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
