Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize