4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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