I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
