I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
