And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
