How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
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Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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