ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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