The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
