my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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