You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
party gras won. party gras always wins.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
