i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize