Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
