Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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