Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
