So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
