Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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