I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
