you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
