sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
