Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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