i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
