i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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