Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?