please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
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Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
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I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.