Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.