Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone