Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
