It's Friday. Sex?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.