A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
