How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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