small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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