If that was your dad, he is hot
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
