Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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