I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Randomize
