yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
