I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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