no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
