Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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