Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I need to stop coming to work sober
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
