Well douche your snatch and let's go!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
