Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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