why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
