Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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