You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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