That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
