Having a random hookup so left but love u
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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