Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
