we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
