It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
did i walk over a car last night?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
