No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
