a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
