is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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