I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
