take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
