those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
