you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
