Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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