I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
