I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
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The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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