I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize