i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
