That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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