Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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