i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
