You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
