don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No I am not eating basil off your cock
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
