alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
