Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
