This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize