Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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