It's Friday. Sex?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Randomize
