I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
