Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
