Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
