I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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