I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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