Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
