There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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