We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
